Why do I feel responsible for everyone else?

You know that feeling of waiting for other people to do what they’ve committed to and nothing happens?

You keep chasing for a response, but eventually you realise it’s just not happening. Irritation builds to annoyance and then frustration.

You don’t know what’s actually happening. So you start to wonder if they’re annoyed with you, even though you don’t believe you’ve done anything wrong.

The pressure mounts with the deadline looming.

Suddenly it stops feeling like a choice. You just need to get on and do it yourself.

Because that’s what you do.

Just knowing something needs doing is so distracting. You can’t help thinking of everyone who might feel let down if it doesn’t happen.

If you don’t step in, then someone will be disappointed, and it feels like it’s on you to fix it.

If this feels familiar, it’s because it worked for you as a child.

You learned to get your homework done on time and help out with your siblings. It was good for you because you didn’t get told off and you got your parents’ attention more quickly. And because it worked, you carried on doing it.

That really worked for you and your family, and eventually it just became part of you. Now, if you don’t step in when something needs fixing, it’s really uncomfortable: you feel like you’re failing, letting people down, and ultimately that they might not like you.

When you see something's going wrong, you automatically step in and help. You don't even consider your own capacity — that comes later. In the moment, it just feels like it's on you.

Until it stops feeling good and you start to feel resentment.

Gradually, you feel resentful.

You’re worn down by the constant need to fix things, and it leaves you feeling trapped.

It can start to feel like people only like you because you’re ‘the responsible one’.

Now you feel you just have to make a change.

You’re so fed up of feeling like people take you for granted. You want them to notice you for who you are, not what you do for them.

You start experimenting by not automatically putting your hand up, and it feels incredibly uncomfortable.

You feel like a little girl who's going to be shouted at.

But you carry on because you know the only way out is to sit through the discomfort until it feels normal.

If this feels familiar, it might not be something you need to keep figuring out on your own.

You can read more about therapy for women who were always the responsible one here.

I work with women who have spent years being the responsible one and want something to feel different.

You can find out more about how I work or book a free 15-minute call here.