Can Therapy Change Your Life?

What do you think? I have a thing or two to say about this! I’d like to take you back in time…

In early 2019 my client, Sadie, was at a pretty low ebb. Aged 33, recently married and ‘trying’ for a baby. She’d experienced three miscarriages in a 12 month period and in the midst of her pain, a dear friend of hers died and she simply didn’t have the energy to grieve. 

She felt like she couldn’t stop talking about her problems with her friends but was worried that she was becoming a burden and was scared she would push them away even though they were so kind to her. 

I believe that therapy is the place where, for an hour a week, you can give yourself permission for it just to be about you and to get an alternative perspective on your problems. Friends and family are great but they provide a different  type of emotional support when you’re in crisis. 

When I received Sadie’s first email, I got back to her almost immediately. Once you’ve decided you need therapy, you need the therapist to act fast because the courage it takes to stick your hand up and say, ‘I need help’ is immense and can disappear fast (it’s what frustrates me so much about NHS waiting lists, but that’s another story).

So we spoke, I was very gentle with her and she later told me that my kindness had undone her for the rest of the day. She’d had to go home early, which wasn’t like her at all. We arranged to meet a couple of days later so she could get started.

Sadie  told me she knew she needed help because nothing made her happy. It was like she was swimming underwater, all the time, unable to come up for air.

I held a space for Sadie’s grief, at her not being able to ‘mother properly’ (her words). More words, thoughts and feelings tumbled through the crack I helped her to open.

There were so many contributing factors to her sadness, so many things that she’d bottled up for years. I helped her to identify patterns in how she behaved and interacted with the people in her life and how sometimes that worked against her. 

We ended up working together for 9 months after which she felt stronger. She no longer cringed when she saw a pregnant woman and she didn’t feel incomplete because she wasn’t a mum. 

She felt that by some magical process she’d accepted what had happened to her. She hadn’t forgotten it but it wasn’t as raw, the imprint on her was lighter. 

She stopped feeling as if she was broken and somehow unworthy as a person because the pregnancies were shorter than they could have been.

She told me that she felt like the tectonic plates in her head had shifted and I knew what she meant.

I believe that therapy changed Sadie’s life. It helped her to integrate what she wished hadn’t happened into her life story and become a worthy part of it,

No one chooses the unpleasant things that happen in life, we endure them. Sometimes we do that alone, sometimes with friends and family and sometimes we look for external support. There is no shame in that. It takes courage to ask for help and to open up to a stranger. And that courage can open you up to new experiences and different ways of being that can be life changing. 

If you think that therapy might help you, please get in touch. I offer a free initial chat so that you can see if you think I’m the right therapist for you. 

You can find me on 07808 303 715 or at polly@crabtreetherapy.com - and like Sadie, I promise I’ll get back to you quickly!

Thinking about therapy often raises questions, which is completely normal. Here are a few I hear most often, with some honest answers.

FAQs

Can therapy really change your life?

Yes, in my experience it can. Therapy can help you process difficult experiences, understand patterns that keep you stuck, and build new ways of coping. Many people describe it as life changing because it gives them clarity, acceptance, and relief.

How is therapy different from talking to friends or family?

Friends and family offer care, but therapy gives you a confidential space where the focus is entirely on you. Loved ones can bring their own (well meaning) opinions, hopes and biases into the conversation. A therapist brings professional insight and neutrality that friends and family can’t always provide.

How quickly will I notice changes from therapy?

Some people feel relief after the first session, while others notice gradual changes over weeks or months. Everyone’s journey is different but progress often comes from regular, consistent sessions.

All stories I share are composites, drawn from experiences shared by different women I’ve worked with. If parts of them feel familiar, that’s because many women find themselves in versions of this.