Can Therapy Change Your Life?

Can therapy really change your life? I think it can, but usually not in the dramatic way you might imagine.

Sometimes the change is much less obvious. You start to understand why you react the way you do. Things that once felt overwhelming become easier to bear and you begin to respond differently.

I’d like to tell you a story about what that can look like.

In early 2019 my client, Sadie, was at a pretty low ebb. Aged 33, recently married and ‘trying’ for a baby. She’d experienced three miscarriages in a 12 month period and in the midst of her pain, a dear friend of hers died and she simply didn’t have the energy to grieve. 

She felt like she couldn’t stop talking about her problems with her friends but was worried that she was becoming a burden and was scared she would push them away even though they were so kind to her. 

When you’re used to coping on your own

I believe that therapy is the place where, for an hour a week, you can give yourself permission for it just to be about you and to get an alternative perspective on your problems. Friends and family are great but they provide a different  type of emotional support when you’re in crisis. 

When I received Sadie’s first email, I got back to her almost immediately. Once you’ve decided you need therapy, you need the therapist to act fast because the courage it takes to stick your hand up and say, ‘I need help’ is immense and can disappear fast.

So we spoke, I was very gentle with her and she later told me that my kindness had undone her for the rest of the day. She’d had to go home early, which wasn’t like her at all. We arranged to meet a couple of days later so she could get started.

Sadie  told me she knew she needed help because nothing made her happy. It was like she was swimming underwater, all the time, unable to come up for air.

What actually changes in therapy?

I held a space for Sadie’s grief, at her not being able to ‘mother properly’ (her words). More words, thoughts and feelings tumbled through the crack I helped her to open.

There were so many contributing factors to her sadness, so many things that she’d bottled up for years. I helped her to identify patterns in how she behaved and interacted with the people in her life and how sometimes that worked against her.  For some women, one of those patterns is feeling responsible for everyone else, often without realising how much of themselves they’ve put to one side.

We ended up working together for 9 months after which she felt stronger. She no longer cringed when she saw a pregnant woman and she didn’t feel incomplete because she wasn’t a mum. 

So, can therapy really change your life?

She felt that by some magical process she’d accepted what had happened to her. She hadn’t forgotten it but it wasn’t as raw, the imprint on her was lighter. 

She stopped feeling as if she was broken and somehow unworthy as a person because the pregnancies were shorter than they could have been.

She told me that she felt like the tectonic plates in her head had shifted and I knew what she meant.

I believe that therapy changed Sadie’s life. It helped her to integrate what she wished hadn’t happened into her life story, without allowing those experiences to define who she was.

No one chooses the unpleasant things that happen in life; we endure them. Sometimes we do that alone, sometimes with friends and family, and sometimes we need something different. Therapy can give you somewhere to understand what has happened to you, what you’ve made it mean about yourself and a place to choose whether you want to carry on responding to it in the same way.

Wondering whether therapy could make a difference for you?

I offer a free 15 minute call where we can talk about what’s bringing you to therapy and whether working together might feel right. And like Sadie, I promise I’ll get back to you quickly!

Book a call

Thinking about therapy often raises questions, which is completely normal. Here are a few I hear most often, with some honest answers.

FAQs

Can therapy really change your life?

Yes, in my experience it can. Therapy can help you process difficult experiences, understand patterns that keep you stuck, and build new ways of coping. Many people describe it as life changing because it gives them clarity, acceptance, and relief.

How is therapy different from talking to friends or family?

Friends and family offer care, but therapy gives you a confidential space where the focus is entirely on you. Loved ones can bring their own (well meaning) opinions, hopes and biases into the conversation. A therapist brings professional insight and neutrality that friends and family can’t always provide.

How quickly will I notice changes from therapy?

Some people feel relief after the first session, while others notice gradual changes over weeks or months. Everyone’s journey is different but progress often comes from regular, consistent sessions.

All stories I share are composites, drawn from experiences shared by different women I’ve worked with. If parts of them feel familiar, that’s because many women find themselves in versions of this.